Brace yourself for the coming year

I guess everyone of us tend to get a little emotion when it comes to the end of the year.
I would be sitting here till 2009 steals 2008 away in a couple of hours. Alone, I hope.
At this state of mind, I really dislike that my dad comes in and tell me things that I can't manage to decipher.
All I really want is not cheers, smses, phone calls. I don't need any other sound in my world. All I want is a peace of mind.

" 回头是梦，仍似被动 "- 张学友《李香兰》.

There are million over thoughts and emotions fleeting through my mind and heart every other minute.
Till the year of 08, I really feel tired.

There are things I have to face up and I can't pretend anymore. When all of you see me smiling and laughing my head off, do you really think you know me?

I decided to be honest. I would not hide things but I would not explain them. If you ask me, I would tell you if I can put it to words. I would not want to pretend to be happy anymore to make you happy.
The less I pretend, the more upset I caused. I'm afraid of this but I do not want to pretend all the time.

So many things I would wanna put behind. So many things I would wanna start anew. So many things I would wanna end it.. So many things that made lost in thought.

I received quite a few of 'Happy New Year' usual greetings back. Thank you for those but only one of which makes me think.
John, again.
I guess only John is capable of inspiring me with sometimes simple, sometimes complex words.
I think he is an angel but John doesn't want any praises.

Anyway he asks me to set plans for the new year and achieve them. Not resolutions. Plans.
Maybe it is meant the same but to me,I thought differently. Plans sound simple and achievable.

Coming to a new year, some people would feel inspired to come out with a list of resolutions. Soon it just becomes a yearly routine and more often than not, it gets defeated by the routine of time.

I am not confident at all to achieve whatever plans that I would write down but with all these jaded emotions running through my life, I badly wanted a change for my quarter life.(As if I am entitled a hundred.)
Freaking 25 years old I would be. I don't want to live through all those ...whatchamacallit all over again.

Courage would be the main catalyst I need. To do anything. To be true-ful to myself. Even if that hurts others, it would be for everyone's good...I hope.

Accept changes.
Accept that I've changed. Too fast, too painful.
I am not sure of what I want now and/or what I would do. But I guess it may just takes me a lifetime to figure up.

This is not a cheerful and very incoherent post.
Don't worry, I am not losing my smile yet.
I just need the courage to make it real and make it stay.

Happy New Year.
I wish you all a good year ahead.

I must have been one of the easiest buyer of that second hand book store @ Peace Centre. (Which I hereby conveniently renamed it as 'Harry Potter's library'.)
After knocked off, I headed in the store with only one book in mind. - Ps.I love you. I was chanting in my head, "Do not buy Twilight. Do not buy Twilight. Do not buy Twilight."

I watched the movie, I like the romance. But buying a vampire fiction is another issue altogether. Besides there are like 5 series in total? I certainly don't think I would like to buy 5 vampires fictions.
After withdrawing the cash, I walked in the store confidently only to see Twilight right infront of my eyes.
Before I know it, I walked outta the store with 2 books and $20 lesser. All of that in less than a minute.

Damn.

PS:I am almost finishing PS.I love you now. Double damn.

I could have chose to go home, go Starbucks (I lingered at the thought of Central's one) or go Rocky Master @ Orchard.
I decided that I should just go Orchard for the convenience of straight bus home but I ended up at TCC, outside Shaw.

I just love that TCC. It must be the design(Every of it) that attracts me.

Litchee freeze & Pumpkin Cheese Cake.

I asked the server how many kinds of cheesecake do they have and I thought I heard 4? Salivating, I walked cooly to the cake counter and thought I clearly only saw 2 kinds.
I gave that tradional marble cheese cake a pass.
I dunno if pumpkin cheesecake is nice but hell, it is really nice!

It has a very soft texture and it must have been really fresh! Ever tried not so fresh cakes? Try some from Coffeebean. My gawd, I could choke on those.
Not too sweet nor savory and the faint taste of pumpkin & cheese go pretty well.

I had a good corner seat outside with just the right amount of sun shining on me. Reading just seems the right thing to do alone.

The only not so good thing about sitting outside is you would face the peril of meeting uninvited pests!
No, it ain't the case of some cretins hit on me but it is the case of that fucking flies (2 of them!) who fed themselves on my cheese cake!

I'm pretty grossed out but my cake is not even half finished.
I scraped off a big portion and quickly chowed down the (hopefully) unaffected rest of it. I am not about to waste the good food and more importantly,my money!

See that fucking thing?

It seems to me that it is pretty delight to have an oversized cake to itself. It quickly leave me alone after it has its fill. Gee...Am I just kind or what? Leaving it to the fly to eat and probably shite there.(Haw,haw,haw.)

I was at all time contemplating should I just meet Jason or not? I have my concerns & confusions.
Ok,I am not gonna give any explanations here. But to conclude, I did meet him afterall.

We had dinner at Ramen Ramen situated at the Railway mall (or whatever it is) place.

I didn't think the taste is any different from Ajisen's. Price is around that range. Service is quite ok. No complains.

Jason could be the one who never gives up on me, always waiting patiently, always making me laugh, always always...

Sometimes I really wish he could be more selfish for himself.

I think I must have be belonged to the skies. I always like staring up,no matter what colour it has been. More often than not, I dreamt of skies,clouds. Good looking ones and scary looking ones.

Wish I could fly away sometimes.

"I'm still trying...You are slowly rejecting." - Jason

I admit that I was really mean. Part of me keeps drowning in this bad feel but part of me lives in total rejection.
After Irene's party (Photos updated at Facebook), I reached home tired and feeling under the weather.
I reflected alot while I bathed. I felt disgusted of myself.
How much a person I've changed. Just how much?

Part of me...like Jason said, rejects everything altogether. No matter how fine the day could have been between me and Jason, it could very much be that day only. Yet it fails to reach deep within. That part of me already closed in rejection.

I can't explain everything and I do not know how long should it be prolong?
Ever since April 07, things between us has been a roller coaster ride with more downs than ups that I remembered.

Days...Days that I felt very painful from the whole trauma too. Not just him.
Now...Now I felt pretty numb inside.

I do not know and I don't wanna wallop in my (bad) emotions anymore.

Is there anything I could do?

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天 - 周杰伦

I am pretty sure that my friends who are reading this are now spending a lovely Christmas Eve.

I am not spending a bad one.

At least right from 12.00am till 3.30pm,I am having a good one.

Yes, you read me right. I had a very sweet one 30 mins before 12.00am and till it striked Christmas Eve on the dot, I was greeted sweetly.

Why should I deny on that? It was my moment of heart felt happiness & raw sweetness.

Misunderstanding?Short-fused?Whatever. I just do not share the patience & heart to deal with that maturely. Plans? You and I are now weary and worry that whatever plans that could be in the mind could not meet my expectations anyway.

Whatever,ok? No more lessons. Don't even bother to reason.

This season is not meant for solid reasoning. Whatever I have want to say, my conclusion was finalised during that Botanic Garden night.

I still did not change my opinion and could break free anytime I want.

This is the changed me now.

Who did that? Everything in time taught me so and I am not so lucky to find myself in a settling down situation.

Time has taken its toll.

Period.

On a lighter note, I would like to introduce this shop.

Yep. National Geographic is no longer just found on SCV channel! It has taken the retail path too.

It is found at Vivo City.The former space whereby it sells Spanish stuff?Next to Coffeebean @ L1.

I definitely like the whole layout of the store. Black walls, photo frames, big plasma,professional DSLR, clothings etc. Very contemporary, very nice.

Hence I took a few pictures with my humble Pixon and present here (an adjusted exposure) photos I took.

Go check it out when you go Vivo next time.

Crap! I have no piano. -- 只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天. Bullocks.

Merry Christmas~

It has been a long week

I was off since officially Thursday 6pm and taking leave doesn't feel any better till it is taken nearing end of the year.

If you meant to ask about Friday, I ended my Friday with a light note of disappointment. But I can't exactly labelled that as disappointment too. It is only apparent that things are no longer as beautiful and I am standing further than I thought.

Saturday was Waikiki Xmas party.

1)Von has got a very cool mum!

2)Shireen's bunny is damn cute,can? I almost wanna bag it home.

3)We laughed alot.(among ourselves)

4)My eyes are voted as the sexiest part of my body.

5)See my expression with regards to no 4:

LMAO = Laugh my ass off

6)I am convinced that Shaowei has got a waist that's smaller than mine. (Very obviously.)

7)I think my friends rock!(That,without a shadow of a doubt.)

8)We are now looking forward to 25th December 08!! WHOOO~

Digress. I think I can now post a pict of my Tigger everyday. I reached home finding it lying on my bed in different poses (no pun intended) everyday.

On Thursday

On Friday

I thought Junxian was being really sweet when he came down to wait for Irene @ the house block when we drove her home yesterday. I commented that to Jason and told him that I bet if it was me & you, you might just stay home watching soccer.

I don't mean any malice but he doesn't seem to be too pleased with that.

He said he will do the same and even "complained" that he doesn't get any credit (from me)for being me and Irene's 'chauffeur' .

T__T

Between me,Von & Yin, we all know how much JX loves Irene & I think I have every respect for that.

Ok, Jason...You are a terrific boyfriend too,ok? I have respect for that too. ;)

Argh..my round face!

I am hungry now. It's 冬至 today!! Everyone go eat your 汤圆. I wish all of you bliss always. See ya on Christmas.

Muack!

It's pictures update again~

Today I came home and Tigger was positioned this way with Flurry. It almost seems to me that Tigger is a live 'pet'.

I met up with Jason for dinner tonight and I've been chanting to him (via emails) that I want a dog. Most time he conveniently ignored those emails that mention 'dog'. I made use of tonight to keep chanting that I want a dog. Haha.

Anyway I have got my small gift for the Xmas party ready. =D

Ok, I didn't wrapped it. Jason did. My hands aren't good for arts & craft,ok? I dislike wrapping.

After our meal, I asked Jason to wrap for me. Hehe. While he was concentrating, I got bored and started playing with my Pixon.

Obviously I took way more photos than I showed here. But this is one of it.

Kidding.

Mosiac 9 shots and I missed the first one.

Let's try taking one (or many) one day. Think it would be funny.

Anyhow, the present is ready! I just decided not to care if I am overdress for the party on Saturday. Maxi dress is hawaiian style and that's final. No more brainstorming! The party is gonna be funnnnnnn~~~

Oh...I definitely have not mentioned that we have a Mickey mouse in my office!! A few days ago, one of my colleague suddenly let up a sharp shriek and almost wanna stand on her chair. (I guess she would if the chair ain't the rolling type.)

She saw a small mouse and we couldn't find it! It did send most of us in a frenzy. How on earth did a mouse come in an office at level 6 amazes us? Most of us did not caught sight of the mouse (It's too fast, I think it is ninja mouse!) and would not know how big it is.

Just 2 days ago, I suddenly saw a very quick small brown figure zoomed under the table. Boss got a mouse trap and this morning, we finally see how our uninvited guest looks like.

Don't scream.

It is actually really small and it looks so poor thing to be stuck in that super glue kinda trap. I have pity for it,really. I mean, it may be a disgusting rodent but it is very small and pitiful to be trapped for hours like that.

I know the comment wont be the same if it is a cat size rat but still, we think it's a poor life stuck there. Boss put the trapped mouse in a plastic bag & dumped it. (don't ask me where.)

It is very likely to die from hunger, exhausment just like that. Sigh. When I told Jason about it(via email), he said the right way should be burn it if not germs would spread when it decomposes. The notion of burning a life alive freaks me off. Like I don't understand how people can actually eat the prawns boiled alive. Eating it when it is already dead and eating it when it is a life becoming a meat,is 2 different things. Technicially speaking.

Ok, maybe that mouse pic does put you off a little. My apologies.

Blah!

Oh..one more pic left. Jason folded a rose from the leftover wrapping paper. He decided to tape it on my arm just like that.

-___-

Night,people.

Muack!

I always wanted to do blood donation but I just have not went for a proper blood examination. If I wanted to donate blood to help, I must make sure the blood I donate is good blood that can be use.
Does it cost to have a blood examination? Sadly I would not be able to meet the timing of that 3 days stated there.
Anyone wanna donate blood with me?

My Tigger (Rawr,rawr) was being positioned by my dad on my bed. Those 2 shots were taken on separate days. I got a mini surprise each time I see Tigger sprawling on where I am supposed to lie.

I heartx Tigger's size! Reminds me of a big doggy....like..Golden Retreiver?

I can barely hold down my desire for a dog nowadays! I always wanted a Golden Retreiver but since where I am staying doesn't allow a big dog, I would settle for almost any kinda small dogs!

If only it is allowed....Sigh.

My VAIO finally comes with a complete case! A normal case & authentic VAIO mouse fetch ridiculous price in the store and hence I gave up on buying the mouse when I got the laptop.

Today I got them @ a mere $19.90. It would be ridiculous to say NO to such deal.

Pretty,pretty pink stuff. =D

Other than all these, I can't find anything emo-tic to blog.

Perhaps that's good.

I want a dog,please?

I heard about this book way before I even saw the poster outside Lerk Thai,Paradiz Centre. I always wanted to buy it but didn't think it is worth the retail bookstore's price.

I finally got it. Brand new at an affordable and seemly good deal - $10 @ that second hand Harry Potter's library like bookstore at Peace Centre.

I started my reading yesterday. On & off, I find myself smiling, wanting to tear, almost laughing. (Ok, I laughed.)
I am totally looking forward to this movie. Though I know the movie probably won't be as good as the book but it actually is more fun reading the book when you can put a face to the names.
(In this case, I can virtually see Jennifer Aniston & Owen Wilson, and that cute Labrador in those pages.)

Can I just have a doggy,please??

Ps: I almost teared when I watched Little Nyonya just now. That part when Yueniang was describing her Nya, and when her Ma Ma reprimanded her and they hugged in tears.
For a long time, I have not seen a better Channel 8 show than this!
Alot of those better quality ones often ended up in crappy ending. I so hope this is different!

I hope you dance - Leeann Womack

Before a family disaster (I shall not explain here) broke out earlier on, I was watching the repeat of 与xin(I dunno which 'xin' is hers)共舞 - the dance variety show hosted by Belinda.
I like that show actually. It is fun to see her learning the different types of dance of the world and it touches my heart actually.
I figure it is the whole sincerity & honesty that the show presents.

Anyway the episode was about her learning Foxtrot. - Another kind of ballroom dance.
I was reminded how much I love ballroom dancing. I wish I can dance but I don't think I actually can. Ballroom dancing is just a young girl's romantic dream.

I so gonna repeat my ideal kinda wedding. The angmoh type. Hahaha.
To me, a wedding that's simple,held at a nice field, with flowers, mini live band, a nicely decorated centre stage where the couple says their vow...etc couldn't be more perfect & romantic.
The couple would proceed to do their slow dance together. People could join or watch. -Sigh-

I need romance. It could save or kill me for all I care.(Ok, I care.)
Romantic guys can sway my heart so easily that it is dangerous.

I guess for most cases, I come to realise, romance is something that inbuilt in the genes. If you are not born romantic, it is just so bad. I guess you have to learn alot to make up for the differences.

Gee...what am I talking about here. Blahing nonsense. Let's just say I am still a lil shaken from the things that happened just now.
Period.

If you want food

I recommend you to another eatery place. Perhaps you have been there but it was my first visit there and I felt like a kid going to Toys'rus for the first time.

(Ps:I am now using blogspot's orignal way of uploading the photo one by one and I tell you,it is royal pain in the arse!)

Jason & I were at Rafflescity last afternoon and we had no idea what to eat. We first had Shokudo, the yummy Japanese pasta @ Cineleisure Orchard and we thought this might be the same.

What delights us was the varieties spread out to us inside. It is pretty much the Marche kinda concept. I am just happy,happy and happy to be inside, busy snapping the colourful sights away.

They have the teppanyaki, the ramen, the western, the blah blah de blah. Not very cheap but perhaps every thing goes under $10.(I think)

These are what we had.

That is not a big yellow cabbage. It is omelette..actually more of scrambled egg covered rice.

My actual omelette salmon fried rice.

All the mayo~hmmmm~sinful!

Do not be fool by the size of it. It is actually filling!
Jason and I were sitting next to the dessert stall (by some unknown pull of force). No matter how full we are, it is foolish to skip the dessert all together. (despite at the peril of my weight)

But the design of those desserts are just so cute!

Ice cream on thick toast.

Ice cream crepes

For Jason, if there is waffle available, he won't give a damn what other choices are available. I took a long while to decide between the thick toast, crepe and those other Japanese desserts.

Banana MILK (Yes,milk not vanilla! BIG difference in taste!) crepe and his rum & rasin icecream waffle.

The crepe is so big that it covers the entire big plate. Just the crepe itself tastes & smells so darn good! If I wasn't so filled already, I would have really enjoyed this one.

The waffle is not just your normal Bengawang Solo waffle or those ready made rock hard waffle. It's pretty thick and soft. One ridiculous thing though - Additional 30cents for the chocolate sauce? 30cents? Wth.

Overall Shokudo,Japanese food bazaar is nice! On the side note, I must really cut down on all these eatings. Look at my ROUND face! I dunno why people said oval shape face is ideal? You know what? Oval is prone to becoming round. Wtf.

On the other side note, I really feel 'RAWR!'. What's wrong with all the shoes merchandisers? Can't you bring in more 'plus size' shoes? I so HATE it whenever they tell me no more size. WTF,wtf,wtf!

I went to 3 or 4 Charles & Keith asking for the shoe that I want and in Schu, I asked for 3 different kinda sandals...NO SIZE! I was sooo~pissed that I kept 'rawring' @ Jason.

That's a hell long ago pic. Look at the golden fringe.

My mum ought to bind my feet while I was growing up. Don't laugh, it is not funny! You don't know the kinda exaperation & embarrassment whenever the sales staff told you there's no more size for the shoe you want.

Nonetheless, I still bought 3 shoes yesterday. 1 Puma sneaker from RSH, 2 from Schu. Rawr,rawr,rawr!

Ok, sorry for the sub-standard kinda wordings and posts lately. I am bored.

Anyway~it's such a good weather today huh? Rain on Sunday morning. Hmmm~ =3